Below is a promotion for a specialized translation service for SAP training materials.*

 

Before-and-After Marketing Copy 

Scroll down to see the edited version, and a brief explanation of my thinking as I edited.

Before Editing

 

SAP is a language all of its own. It is possible to translate SAP without knowing the system, but it will be like translating a plumbing manual without knowing the right terms or trying to install a plumbing system without the manual. A potential disaster.

Translation is the rendering in a language of a sentence that was written in another language. A translator, who comes with his/her own culture, own experience will take the sentence and use his/her own words and convert it into his/her own language. That will work for translations that are not technical or do not apply to a particular sector which has its specific lingo. It does not work for SAP. SAP uses a strict terminology to which the translator has to adapt and not the other way around. SAP terminology cannot be changed and must be respected if you want the end users to get the full benefit of the implementation.

Imagine that you are the user and you are looking at a SAP transaction on the screen based on paper documentation. The paper documentation is using terms that you are not familiar with and that do not relate to what you find on the screens. You get confused, you get lost. The instructions call for “Clicking on the Create button” and the only button on the screen is New. You think you are in the wrong place, you get frustrated, you think this new system is a waste of time, you build up resentment and a resistance to the SAP system.

The translation investment that you are making is for the end users. You want the end users to be happy with the new SAP system. If you are committed to that, you must use a Translation Vendor with SAP expertise or you will not get the expected ROI.

You can think of translation as if we were writing the training documentation from scratch. Would you trust just any technical writer with your documentation? No. You will entrust it to somebody who has SAP expertise and experience and who has access to the system so that paper documentation and system match perfectly.

Just like not everybody can write SAP training documentation, everybody cannot translate SAP training documentation.

After Editing

SAP is a language unto itself. Trying to translate SAP without knowing the system is like trying to translate a plumbing manual without any knowledge of plumbing — a potential disaster!

Translation is the rendering of words from one language to another. A translator of SAP documentation must be able to understand not two but three different languages: the source language, the target language, and SAP. If the translator understands the source and target languages but not SAP, the documentation — and consequently your end users — will suffer.

A translator without SAP knowledge and access to a live SAP system can introduce all kinds of errors during the translation process — from misnaming screen elements to misrepresenting business processes. If your documentation is confusing or inaccurate, your end users won’t get the training they need to be productive. Worse, they may begin to resent and resist the new system.

When considering translation services, it helps to think of your documents as if they were being written from scratch. You wouldn’t trust just any technical writer with your documentation. You’d want a writer with solid SAP knowledge and experience — someone who could deliver documentation that was clear and technically accurate. The same should hold for your translator.

You are making a critical investment in translation services. If you want to get the full return on your investment, use a translator with proven SAP expertise. Use a translator from [company].

What I Did

In the first paragraph, I retained the basic idea but made it more concise. In the second paragraph, I elaborated on the notion of SAP as a distinct language. This communicates the idea of specialized knowledge more effectively than explaining the translation process in detail.

*SAP is enterprise software used by companies to integrate their business processes.

[End of sample]

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